Will his begging on bending knee change your mind to stay?

                              

Ladies let's say you and your man/husband have been going through your share of problems and you've come to the conclusion you are leaving. Upon hearing your news your man falls down on his knees and begs you not to walk out on him. He professes to do whatever it takes to make things better for you.
Do you stay or do you leave? Some may perceive this reaction as him showing weakness thus lowering in your eyes his manhood.

I pondered this question one day after a conversation with a friend about her frustrations with her man of two years. She was thinking of leaving but it sounded more like she was waiting for him to do something that might change her mind so I jokingly said “I bet if he got down on his knees and begged you to stay you probably would”. She kind of gave a look and a half smile that hinted a move like that might be intriguing.

I decided to post it on a social networking site and received some interesting replies.

Now when most women have made up their minds to go they will not only tell you they will show you.

 One quote from a woman said: “And when I've decided for sure to leave, I wouldn't care if he's on all four's with all 5 of the Temptations behind him singing AIN'T TOO PROUD TO BEG...I'm out-y”!

 I guess that means no encore.

I wonder if she really believed that or if she was just trying to convince me or anyone else reading this?

I got several feedback opinions from women and men on this subject.

Some women said it depends on how many times he has made promises of this nature in the pass but it would not make him weak in their eyes.

Here are some examples:

·         “Been there done that and he still didn't change so nope I don't take begging very seriously anymore.....

·         “I've been there too many times to count”.

·         “There is no need for all of that if the decision has already been made we can do what the song says...."let's just kiss and say goodbye". 

       “I would see it as manipulation ...(getting on bending knee)
“By the time I say the words I'm leaving, I've expressed my wants, needs, dissatisfaction many times and either things didn't improve or didn't improve enough”.” Begging would not help...the sentiment would be lost and empty and leave me feeling a certain amount of disgust”.

 She started her sentence with manipulation now that’s an interesting concept.

Here’s a response I think some men having done this might consider fair.

·         “If this is the first time we had this discussion and he is willing to work on things then I would stay.

·         “I would not look at this as a sign of weakness on his part because he is putting a lot out there. It is not an easy task for a Real Man especially a Brother to lay it all out there for his Queen, so if he is willing to do this for me then I would owe him that much by staying and working it out”.” Now if this is a conversation we’ve already had and he has not made any changes and I am still getting all of the broken promises and heartache then I would have to give him the deuces”.

Well now there’s a woman with a stick by her man attitude hey maybe she’s available (Just saying).

Let’s continue.

·         One man replied “I would never fall down on my knees and bow down to no one other than God. Doing so would debase my dignity as a man and I would think it would result in serious physiological issues”.

That's a pretty strong statement.

Another man wrote:

·         ” I did this ... literally prostrated myself on my knees before my ex-wife. Problem was, seemed like every time I looked around she was ready to leave ... no matter what I did or didn't do. In the end, I was the only one who went to counseling while all she wanted to do was issue ultimatums. I got tired of it and I left and ain't looked back since”!

Amen applause, applause to you sir!Although this guy seems to have tried to be open with his feelings, most men are different animals when it comes to their emotions.

Control issues play a key role in the reason she may be leaving.

Men like to feel in control and some think by expressing themselves emotionally makes them feel vulnerable.

 We tend to shelter our feelings rather than sit down and have a verbal emotional out pouring.

Our true feeling usually displayed through silence or expressions of physical actions to show our frustrations like dropping something strongly on the table (Keys or Drinking glass) or slamming doors even getting up and leaving.

 Here’s an example:

Man: “I’m going for a pack of cigarettes”.

Woman:” But you don’t smoke”.

Man: Exactly!

We try to do anything other than having to sit down and communicate verbally.

Some women said it’s different when the couple is married.

 A married couple should seek counseling as a path to deal with the problem.

They also said single or married, it really depends on the reason she is leaving.

After I read the views and statements I came away with my own thoughts on the matter.

There have been some very real, spirited and sincere answers to the question “Would you stay or go”?

 It is never an easy decision to end a relationship and I think that is very true.

 A few of the responses by women indicated that they would have made attempts to rectify the situation by addressing the issues at hand before making a snap decision.

It makes sense to give the situation some thought and then try to come up with an option to deal with it.

 Two of the men that replied seem to feel it was beneath them to make such a gesture.

 I feel you, but at the same time this stance could be a source of the problem between the couple; his failure to be open in communicating about his or her feelings. It leads you to wonder what other situations/issues might he feel is beneath him to address? I mean I’ve seen grown men beg the boot man to let them slide (give them a break).

It’s certainly your prerogative to do however you want in communicating with your partner but then you can’t be surprised when she has had enough to decide to place all bets in begging her to stay.

Acceptance/Accountability
In order for any relationship to survive there has to be some willingness to admit first that there is a problem.

Then and only then can you begin to work on a solution.
It shouldn’t take your partner walking out the door to make you realize the seriousness of the situation.

Sincerity or manipulation?
Falling down on one's knees might be a last grasp to save your relationship; a legitimate move to show your sincerity or as one woman pointed out “it may be a desperate attempt to manipulate one's feelings”.

 “Been there done that” I believe were her words. How many of you women out there have seen or heard this plea?

Is this trickery?

 Maybe this is not a sign of weakness but a strategic move.

Playing on ones guilt is not uncommon in relationships it does seem a tad bit unfair of one's feelings nevertheless.
Either way the chances are that things will remain the same if you were to stay if you don’t take steps to make things better.

Getting Help

 There must be a solid commitment from both parties to work on the relationship's problems and their individual issues as well. Counseling is an option and you should settle on someone you are both comfortable with.
Going to a pastor or priest that only one of you is comfortable with has all the earmarks of a problem in the making.

 The person least comfortable may feel like he or she has an alliance against them. That's why it is important to make the right choice and be realistic with your expectations. If it does not go well at first be patient and deliberate about the work. Remember it did not take over night to get here so it's not going to be fixed in one or two sessions.

Written By: Larry D. Miller